


anniversary

by watery_sun



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Camping, Enthusiastic Consent, F/F, Fluff, No Angst, No Lesbians Die, Praise Kink, Shameless Smut, Strap-Ons, Switching, Two Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28024647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watery_sun/pseuds/watery_sun
Summary: Out in the misshapen world that they inherited, Ellie and Dina celebrate their time together.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The spiritual successor to [Chapter 5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26551612/chapters/66292465) of Into Orbit, in the sense that there is camping, feelings, and smut (it's not required reading, though).
> 
> Ya girl is really going through it, so here's something self-indulgent. Don't worry, I'm sitting on 10k+ words for the next TCMB chapter, and that will be going up soon. I've just had A Week.
> 
> Also, I'm playing around with some tense changes and am not sure if I got it right. Let me know if it's jarring.
> 
> As always, let me know if you'd like anything else tagged.

“Are we lost?”

Dina shields her eyes with the flat of her palm and focuses on where Ellie has stopped, a few meters ahead of her. She sucks down cool air and lengthens her strides to catch up - Ellie has holstered her pistol and is studying her map. 

“We’re not lost,” Ellie responds, looking up. She holds out a red blossom and Dina takes it, smiling as their fingers brush. 

Dina has been picking flowers for miles by the time they come upon the lake, flat and shining and expansive in front of them. She threads the fingers of her free hand through Ellie’s, and sets a course towards the shore.

“Guess you do know where you’re going,” Dina murmurs, chuckling as Ellie rolls her eyes. 

Mountains jut up around them, high and jagged and far. Everything is carpeted in a green that gives way to a rocky gray and, directly in front of them, a deep, clear blue. Even from here, Dina can see how the sunlight glints off of the surface of the water, bright and shining.

They’ve cleared the shore from a distance, so Ellie walks with a casual swagger in her step, though she still keeps one hand on the pistol on her hip. Dina runs her thumb over the knuckles of her other hand, and it’s a small moment of ease that blooms outward when they come to a clearing a few meters away from the shore.

“How about this?” Ellie says, eyes expectant, and Dina drops her hand momentarily to walk the perimeter. It’s a secluded spot, closed in by walls of trees and vegetation. Sunlight dapples the soft ground. Dina’s years of survival instincts and old, tense practices quiet down. It feels about as safe as it can be. 

She goes back to Ellie, who is standing in the middle of the clearing, scuffing the dirt with one booted foot. She tucks a blossom, light purple, behind Ellie’s ear, and pecks her lips with a soft, lingering kiss that draws out Ellie’s breath. Ellie tastes like sweat and exertion and crisp mountain air - but she isn’t soured with the desperation of her survival, just thrumming with the soft ease that comes from using her body for something good.

“It’s perfect,” Dina murmurs, smiling when Ellie dips her head. Dina kisses her forehead and hums, letting her pack slide off of her shoulders. She sets her bouquet in front of it like a marker.

A couple of hours later, with camp made and a perimeter established and a stack of stripped branches stacked nearby for firewood, Ellie scouts for a place where they can tree their food, and Dina sits herself down at the clearing’s mouth. The shade of their clearing contrasts with the bright mirror of the lake and its far shore, almost washed out in the midday sun.

Dina hums and weaves and weaves and hums, enjoying the breeze that picks at her hair as a circlet of flowers grows under her fingers. By the time Ellie returns, she’s finished a small crown of flowers. She places it softly on her own head as Ellie smiles crookedly down at her. “Pretty,” she murmurs, finding Dina’s hand and kissing her knuckles.

Dina just smiles softly and stands, placing the crown on Ellie’s head instead. She chuckles at Ellie’s bashful smile, at the pink flush that paints across the bridge of her nose.

“I’m gonna go cool off,” Dina murmurs, inclining her head to look Ellie in the eyes. “Join me?” Without waiting for a response, Dina shucks off her shirt, toes off her boots, and wrestles off her jeans and socks.

Spring’s chill runoff has been tempered by early summer’s warmth, but Dina is still cautious as she toes the shallows. She gives the shoreline another cursory glance, pats the knife she’s strapped to her thigh, and wades in.

Dina can’t remember the last time she felt so weightless.

The lake is now no longer a mirror but something undulating, alive and shining, and it makes Dina smile as she swims forward with long, sure strokes. The water is blessedly clear, speckled with small darting fish that appear and vanish as Dina moves. Dina flips over onto her back and lets herself float for a moment. A breeze caresses her face, carrying wild scents from the peaks that surround them. 

Ellie is not a quiet swimmer, but she is fast - and she’s upon Dina sooner than expected. Dina jolts as she reorients her body towards vertical, and finds Ellie’s arms circling her.

“Sorry,” Ellie murmurs, soft and sincere, and Dina reaches up to cup the back of Ellie’s neck in soft understanding. Her toes brush the bottom of the still-shallow lake, and she steadies them both slightly. Ellie’s arms circle her a little tighter, and then her lips are soft and coaxing on Dina’s neck.

Dina lets her body sag just so, and sighs happily when she feels Ellie do the same. She marvels at the buoyancy of the water - how it holds them both, how they only need to hold each other. Dina threads the fingers of one hand through Ellie’s hair and urges her closer. 

When Ellie’s fingertips ghost softly over the waistband of her underwear, Dina hums her approval, arching at the soft pressure between her legs. Ellie’s mouth is warm and insistent at her neck now, and Dina sighs and rocks.

They had been walking for a day or so, not long at all, but long enough for Dina to wish for a different kind of exertion, a different kind of ache. The days leading up to their trip had been the kindest definition of chaotic. More than once, Dina had wondered if Ellie proposed with a summer wedding already in mind, so that no matter what happened in their lives, they would still have the brightest part of the year to reaffirm their love for each other.

“Is this okay?” Ellie murmurs against her skin, and Dina nods, rocking a little faster as the pressure and tempo between her legs increases. This kind of lovemaking is different for them both, so Dina isn’t surprised when Ellie’s mouth is hot at her ear, urging her along - murmuring how soft and good she is, how beautiful and perfect; how she’s going to take Dina apart and love every inch of her...

And Dina needs Ellie inside her, desperately, but pushes that thought aside - that can wait until later, when they’re both on solid ground again...

Dina’s hips jerk and twist and she grips any part of Ellie she can reach, shaking now, gasping and whimpering. Ellie is soothing in her ear and strong around her body and precise between her legs - “That’s right, baby, just like that” - and the cold water and Ellie’s hot skin and the way she’s sucking and biting at Dina’s neck push her over the edge. 

Dina comes with a cry of surprise, hips twitching rapidly, making little ripples in the water around them. Ellie holds her through it, gentle while wringing every soft aftershock out of her.

Dina goes almost limp, and Ellie’s arms tighten around her, turning her so that they face each other. Ellie traces her jaw and Dina follows her movement and kisses her, first soft and chaste and then deep and slow.

Dina’s body feels like mush, although she somehow finds it in herself to put tension back into her limbs, to make her muscles stretch and contract so that she can swim back to shore.

Ellie has left the flower crown on her pack, and Dina plucks it up and places it back on her head with a smile. Her legs feel a little rubbery as she walks, the earth under her spinning just slightly, and Ellie’s arm is firm around her waist and guides her to their tent.

They while away the afternoon by walking as far around the lake as they dare, skipping rocks, before returning to their campsite and falling into a lazy nap. By the time Dina stirs in Ellie’s arms - and wakes her with kisses to her neck, her cheek, her smiling mouth - the sun is starting to go down.

They build a fire for safety more than warmth. With gentle and deft hands, Ellie removes most of the flowers from Dina’s hair, pressing some of them into her journal. As she flips the pages, Dina sees flowers upon flowers upon flowers.

The sky darkens, into pinks and deep purples, and shadows crawl across the lake and turn it black. Dina can still hear the lapping of the shoreline, and the pips and rustles and snaps of wildlife that surround them. They eat a light dinner, seated on a log that they’ve rolled up next to their fire. With the sun fully down and the night clear, Dina plies Ellie to help her point out constellations.

“You know these,” Ellie chides. “How long have we been married?”

“Baby,” Dina whines, batting her eyelashes, all an act. “Maybe I like hearing you talk about it.” Ellie just scoffs and pulls her close to kiss her temple. 

Some soreness jolts up her back. Dina winces and murmurs to Ellie, who is on her in an instant, all warm pressure and strong fingers. Dina leans into her touch, letting her body roll, divesting herself of articles of clothing as Ellie works over her. It’s a warm night, but goosebumps race up Dina’s arms as she shivers in pleasure nonetheless. 

When Dina leans in and whispers to Ellie that she wants her, Ellie’s response is equal parts instantaneous and slow. Her arms fold around Dina’s naked torso, and Dina sighs at the kisses and love bites that are pressed against her neck. 

While Dina loves Ellie’s fingers - loves them, worships them, sucks them into her mouth to watch Ellie squirm - she wants Ellie’s cock tonight, wants Ellie to hold her while making love to her. She’s pretty sure that Ellie’s brain short-circuits when she voices this, but then Ellie is on Dina immediately, all strength and softness. 

Dina’s ready sooner than she expects - maybe the time away from home is doing her body some good - but Ellie still insists on preparing her, on making her come at least once first. 

Dina feels hyper-aware of the flickering warmth of the campfire and the coolness of the sleeping roll under her and the hard, hot length of Ellie’s fingers inside of her. A breeze washes over her from nowhere, reminding Dina how exposed she is like this - and it somehow makes things that much hotter, makes her clamp down on Ellie’s fingers immediately. 

Ellie croons and Dina watches her withdraw slowly, wiping some of her arousal on the fake cock that’s already situated on her hips. Ellie brings the remainder to her mouth, and Dina whines at the sight - she wants to taste herself on Ellie’s lips. 

And Ellie lets her, soon enough - once she’s eased inside Dina, slow and gentle, and set a steady pace. Dina enjoys the feel of Ellie’s warm weight on top of her, of Ellie’s lips on her mouth and neck and chest, of Ellie’s arms cradling her close.

She wants it harder, though, and there’s a stone digging into her back, which she voices to Ellie with a smile. So Ellie pulls out slowly so that Dina can reposition herself on her hands and knees, whimpering as Ellie kneads her hips in her hands.

“Yeah?” Ellie murmurs, always asking, always making sure, hard and strong and so gentle.

“Fuck me, baby, please,” she begs, and Ellie sheaths herself inside Dina in one smooth motion, making Dina gasp and arch and scrabble at the dirt. 

There is always some part of Ellie that is soft, Dina thinks. Even now, as her hips snap, Ellie’s mouth is sweet against her skin, kissing her shoulders and licking rivulets of sweat from her body. Ellie’s free hand - one is pressed to the ground, to balance - cups her breasts gently and drifts down over her belly to rub her clit with a singular goal.

And her voice, her _voice_ \- it’s low and smooth and even and soft, and Dina swears she could come from the sound of Ellie’s voice alone, from the sound of her encouragement and praise and love - 

“That’s so, so good, baby. You’re so soft…”

“Ellie...Fuck, _Ellie_ …”

But luckily for Dina, she feels all of this, and it isn’t long before she’s quaking and gasping and crying out into her own hand. Ellie fucks her through her orgasm, leaning close to find Dina’s mouth with hers, drinking down her whimpers as Dina shivers through her aftershocks. 

Ellie continues to support her even as Dina’s sags, limp and satisfied. Dina smiles as she feels Ellie pressing kisses down her spine, thumbing what she knows is a still-fading bruise from a fall she took last week. They slowly lower themselves to lay down onto their sides, and Ellie slips out of her, nuzzling her neck as she does so.

Dina wants to repay her, but the long hike and the swim have drained them both by now. So they bank their fire and curl up together in their tent, sated and boneless and heavy.

Dina never reneges on her promises, though. The next morning, she tugs Ellie to a large, flat rock near the lake shore that she found the previous day. She lays down a blanket and takes Ellie apart under her hands, until the stone underneath her twitching hips is damp with her arousal.

Dina teases her - does she like this, this lovemaking out in the open air, when anyone could walk by and see what Dina does to her? And Ellie gasps a yes, yes, yes, that everyone should know that it’s Dina who she belongs to, only Dina who can open her like this and make her come harder than she ever has in her life. 

Dina just sucks on her fingers and praises her - “My good girl, so sweet” - and then laughs as Ellie pins her down with sudden strength and chides her for making her miss breakfast. 

Dina can’t help herself. She wiggles out of her shorts and spreads herself with one hand, giggling and coaxing at Ellie’s dumbfounded stare. “Come on, baby. Aren’t you hungry?” 

“That,” Ellie replies flatly, “is the worst pun I have ever heard.” 

And Dina laughs, laughter that quickly pitches down into a moan, as Ellie leans in to taste her - to suck on her clit, to lick every fold and plunge her tongue into Dina’s heat. Dina keeps one hand in Ellie’s hair, watching the strengthening sunlight play off of its deep reds. She meets Ellie’s eyes when she’s close, whimpering and twitching, and the sunlight shines against Ellie’s green irises and almost turns them gold.

Afterwards, Ellie wipes her mouth and tells Dina that she tastes better than any camping oatmeal on the planet, but maybe not as good as those breakfast sandwiches that they always get at the Tipsy Bison.

Dina just swats at her and scrambles for her clothes.

They want to stay quick on their feet, so they plan to break camp the following morning, early enough so that they’ll only need a day’s light for their next leg of travel.

The sun is just starting to set behind the jagged horizon when Dina sets down her cleaned pistol, checks their fire one more time, and settles next to Ellie on the log. She studies the vibrant colors that are painted across the lake, asking Ellie which ones would be easy or hard to mix, which paints she’d have to borrow from Cat to get them just right.

Eventually, Dina feels herself drifting away, although Ellie’s shoulder is firm and warm against her cheek. She floats along in a timeless, amorphous place, only aware of the crackling of their fire and a cool evening breeze that traces the contours of her face.

Eventually, she becomes aware of Ellie nudging her, of Ellie’s voice against her temple, soft and warm - “Bed, love. Come on.” Groggy as she is, Dina lets herself be led back into their tent, where Ellie helps her with her boots and her sweatshirt. Dina steps out to brush her teeth, and by the time she returns, Ellie has laid down and pulled back one side of their sleeping roll for her.

Dina murmurs her thanks and curls up in the warmth of Ellie’s body, nuzzling her neck and sighing happily as Ellie’s free arm rounds her shoulders. Ellie’s other hand holds a book, and Dina murmurs to her - “Read to me?” - and smiles when Ellie adjusts slightly so that Dina will hear her as she whispers.

Ellie’s rich, soft voice washes over Dina, coaxing her into sleep, and she’s back in that timeless place again, where there’s just space and sound - the warmth of Ellie’s body, the firmness of her arm around her, the play of her muscles and ligaments and breath as she moves slightly to turn a page. 

Some time later, there’s a _click_ as Ellie turns off her flashlight, and soft sounds as she puts her book away and rolls slightly to face Dina. It’s like the thinnest lifeline back to consciousness, and Dina grips at it - if only to curl closer against Ellie’s chest, to nuzzle her throat and feel her arms firm around her.

“Love you, baby,” Dina breathes, so quietly that part of her wonders if Ellie can even hear it - but then Ellie’s lips are on her hair, and she cradles Dina closer. And Dina’s so close to drifting off that she can’t tell if Ellie responds to her or not - but the solid warmth and safety of her body is enough, more than enough now, to tell her that Ellie loves her in return.

* * *

While at the lake, Ellie isn’t able to capture what she deems a “satisfactory” drawing of Dina with flowers in her hair - so on their next hike, she encourages Dina to make another circlet, adding to her bouquet as they walk along.

Once it’s in place, Ellie adjusts the circlet to her liking, standing so close that Dina can count her freckles, watch her pupils dilate, and kiss her in thanks when she’s done. 

Later, the flowers drift out of Dina’s hair, picked at by the breeze, and Dina doesn’t mind - Ellie’s drawing is long-finished, ready to be redone in studies of value and color before being painted back at home. 

They come upon their next campsite in stealth, both crawling forward on their bellies and resting on a low hill. Jacob had come back from the area a few weeks ago and reported nothing out of the ordinary, but they’ve brought a long-range hunting rifle just in case.

Dina sights down her scope and finds an abandoned car, shining in the midday sun. It clangs when she hits it and startles a triplet of runners. They sway into and out of her line of vision, and Dina fells one, before rolling to the side and letting Ellie have a go at the remainder.

Her first shot goes wide. 

“My goodness,” Dina breathes, withdrawing from the binoculars for a moment. “I think your son has better aim than you.”

Ellie scoffs, flexing her fingers and refocusing. “My son has good aim _because_ of me.” Dina just hums and smiles, hearing all the years of love and devotion in Ellie’s voice.

To Ellie’s credit, the next two bullets find their mark, as Dina hums satisfactorily - “Oh, good shot,” she murmurs as the last one’s head explodes into a red mist. She practically hears Ellie crack a smile. 

They stay in their hide a bit longer, wrapped up in each other more than is technically advisable in such a situation. Nonetheless, Dina sighs and nuzzles closer into the hollow of Ellie’s throat, telling herself that they’ve earned some well-deserved cuddling after their travel. Ellie murmurs into her hair - little slivers of stories, bright and shining against the darkness. Dina’s heard most of them before at this point, but she turns them over in her mind as if they are new all the same.

Finally, they unwind themselves from each other. Dina slings the hunting rifle over her shoulder and they walk, hand-in-hand, cutting a circuitous arc towards the grove of trees ahead of them.

Usually, Dina would tamp down the comparisons that loom large in her mind, between the here-and-now and the used-to-be: when travel with Ellie meant blurs of faceless people, all wanting death and blood; and some with faces too clearly defined, so well-known that they surfaced in dreams and stained them into nightmares.

There was a time when travel with Ellie meant efficiency, speed, ruthlessness - and all other things, for fun or pleasure or love, were brushed aside.

The thought consumes Dina as she leans back, tugging Ellie on top of her, sighing happily as Ellie kisses her neck and her collarbones. “I wanna go slow,” Ellie breathes against Dina’s skin, and Dina nods and smiles. 

Dina breathes and arches and thinks, not for the first time, that the intention in everything that Ellie does is almost as arousing as what she’s actually doing. Ellie _savors_ her, finding every sensitive spot with her mouth and working over it with care and attention. They are skin-to-skin and everything is warm and connected and _together_ , bracketed by the soft kisses that Ellie trails down her body.

Ellie settles at the junction of her thighs and kisses Dina between her legs, over her underwear - the momentary pressure sends a shock up through Dina’s spine, that leaves Dina’s mouth in a quiet cry. Ellie smiles against her skin, nibbling there for a moment, and then Dina is shifting and squirming out of her last article of clothing. 

She’s hardly settled when Ellie’s mouth is on her with one soft kiss, and then another, and then another; and Dina lets her legs fall open and her head tip back as she whimpers and rocks. Ellie licks her, slow and smooth. Dina twitches and gasps and pants, and then quiets again as Ellie returns to kissing her. 

“Baby,” Dina whispers, propping herself up on her elbows. Ellie’s eyes meet hers, calm against Dina’s insistence. 

“Inside?” Ellie murmurs, and Dina nods with a whimper and leans back. Ellie kisses her clit and then circles it with a finger, so _light_ , and Dina arches and gasps in response. She teases along Dina’s opening with her other hand, letting a fingertip dip slowly inside, just up to the first knuckle. 

When Dina whines, Ellie shushes her with a kiss against her thigh. “I know, baby,” she croons, as she presses inside further now, continuing to lightly circle Dina’s clit. “I just wanna feel you.”

Ellie slowly works up to stroking her inside, deep and smooth, and Dina gasps against her mouth. She feels cocooned in Ellie’s warmth, in the softness of their blankets. It’s somehow electric and slow at the same time - Dina just inhales a little sharper as Ellie touches her, grasps a little harder at Ellie’s shoulders, but is lulled along at the same time, slow and easy.

Dina tips her head back and they’re kissing - not rough or frantic, but soft and easy and almost chaste. Ellie slips her tongue into Dina’s mouth at the same time that she enters her with another finger, and Dina whimpers and arches just slightly. 

It’s like Dina’s made of something soft and pliable, and she couldn’t put firmness into her body if she tried - she’s just sinking further down and floating further away, like her body is incredibly heavy and incredibly light at the same time. Ellie cradles her and touches her and Dina sighs and sighs and sighs, utterly lost in the feeling of Ellie inside of her, outside of her, holding her open, leading her along.

Part of Dina wonders if she can come like this, under touches that are so light and soft that they send electric currents flashing through her, as intense and fleeting as lightning. But somehow Ellie takes her to a high anyways - and coming feels less like falling off the edge and more like gently laying down onto a cloud, no rushing or freneticism, just warmth and completion and pleasure. Again, Dina hardly makes a sound, just inhales deeper and deeper and deeper as Ellie coaxes her there, and finally lets out a long exhale against Ellie’s mouth, against her smile.

“Stay inside me, baby,” Dina murmurs, half-fallen into her afterglow, and half gripping to the solid feel of Ellie’s body against hers. 

“Yeah?” Ellie croons, all soft warmth above her and inside her. She thumbs Dina’s clit and thrusts her fingers slowly - and Dina isn’t sure it’s possible, but she somehow feels herself open further, melting down into the ground.

Ellie mouths at her neck, and everything feels slow and sluggish, but desire still licks inside Dina. She rocks her hips, trying to take Ellie deeper.

“I need you,” Dina whispers, meeting Ellie’s soft gaze. “I need you to fill me.” And Ellie croons again and slips out of Dina slowly, pressing her back down onto the sleeping roll.

Everything is soft and Dina’s body is so, so heavy, and there’s a bird chirping outside somewhere - and that’s all that Dina’s aware of until Ellie comes back to her, settling between her legs and pressing kisses up her body.

“Baby,” Dina gasps, reaching for her, aching inside. “Hurry, Ellie, please.” But Ellie just shushes her, slow and hovering over Dina until she’s all that Dina sees. She coaxes Dina’s legs open, rubbing slow circles against her clit until Dina swears she’s going to fall apart. 

“Now,” Dina gasps. “Please, please.” Ellie kisses her forehead softly - “I know, I know, be still for me” - and then she’s lined up and is slipping inside and Dina could cry at the wholeness that washes through her. Ellie hooks both of Dina’s legs over her shoulders, slowly folding Dina in half as she eases over her.

They both groan softly as Ellie slides in a little further, and Ellie pauses to kiss Dina between her eyebrows, bringing her attention back. Dina focuses again, and Ellie’s eyes are wide and serious. “Okay?”

When Dina gasps a “Yes”, Ellie’s gaze softens, and she presses another line of chaste kisses along Dina’s forehead. She pulls out just so and then slides back in, all the way, and Dina shudders and whimpers and clenches around her.

Ellie thrusts with the slow rhythm of her breathing, making Dina sigh and rock. Words just ghost out of Dina’s mouth as she exhales, carried on soft sighs and whimpers. 

“Feels so good, baby, don’t stop -”

“I won’t, I promise...That’s it, baby, that’s so good -”

Dina runs her fingers through Ellie’s hair and whimpers and sighs. She’s hardly aware of anything that isn’t Ellie - inside her and above her and holding her, nuzzling her forehead and kissing her hairline and talking to her, the whole way through, constant and unwavering -

“Wanna make you feel good, baby, so good -”

“Ellie,” Dina gasps. “Ellie, Ellie, Ellie -”

“I know baby, I’m here -”

“God, yes, yes, _yes_ -”

“I love you,” Ellie breathes, and Dina inhales sharply, pinned by Ellie’s soft voice in her ear and Ellie’s warm weight -

“Ellie,” Dina whimpers, lips brushing Ellie’s mouth. “I love you, I love you, I’m coming -”

“Yeah?” Ellie whispers, all sweetness, tipping Dina’s jaw up so their eyes meet, so that their noses brush. “Come for me, baby.” 

And Dina is gasping now, clenching and shaking and gripping Ellie’s shoulders and Ellie just holds her, soothes her, helps her through her high - “Come for me, come for me. That’s perfect, you’re perfect, Dina, Dina...”

Dina pants beneath her as she comes down and Ellie just settles over her - sliding even deeper and gently rocking her hips. She props herself up on her elbows and beams down at Dina, who bites her lip.

“Good?”

Dina just winds her arms around Ellie’s neck and groans, in both exasperation and satisfaction. “You’ll be the death of me, I swear.”

Ellie just hums as she pulls out, easing Dina’s legs off of her shoulders. “I’d ask if you could return the favor, but you seem a little worn out…” 

She trails off, and Dina’s eyebrows fly up her forehead. “Oh, no. You don’t get to get off that easy” - and Ellie sniggers at the wordplay, while Dina rolls her eyes.

“Come here,” Dina says, voice husky, forging ahead, although she softens when Ellie leans back over her.

“Mmm?”

Dina inhales, mouth curling into a wicked smile nonetheless. “I wanna make you come, baby.” 

Ellie just presses their foreheads together, grinning - “Then I’ll get on top - make it easier on you.” Dina groans theatrically, but she acquiesces. A few minutes later, she nibbles playfully along Ellie’s neck, as she slips her fingers inside of her and smears their strap-on with her arousal.

Ellie straddles her and makes some joke about angles and space and physics, and Dina rolls her eyes - but then her hands go to Ellie’s waist because she’s sliding down slowly, as Dina nuzzles and kisses her neck.

Dina loves Ellie like this, loves watching Ellie use her body for her own pleasure. She loves watching Ellie’s eyes drift closed and her face go slack. She loves winding her arms around Ellie’s neck and shoulders and holding her close, whispering soft things to her - 

“That’s it, baby, that’s so beautiful…”

She loves carding her fingers through Ellie’s hair, brushing her thumb along the line of Ellie’s jaw, kissing the side of her mouth.

She brings Ellie off with soft touches and lightness and care, with the same ease of the sunlight that warms her skin and the breeze that rises and falls outside their tent - without consequence, just being, just there.

They whisper to each other, sweet and soft. Dina takes Ellie’s face in her hands and kisses her, slow and open-mouthed; Ellie winds her arms around Dina’s neck and keeps her mouth pressed against Dina’s forehead, whimpering…

Dina barely makes a sound when she speaks, and she doesn’t have to, with how close they are. She just exhales and Ellie hears her - “That feel good, baby?” - as she brackets her words with soft, light kisses against Ellie’s skin. 

Ellie just nods in return, and tips Dina’s head up to kiss her mouth. Her face is flushed and her pupils are blown and she rocks a little more insistently in Dina’s lap, all soft strength turned boneless.

Ellie’s mouth hovers over Dina’s and she’s close, Dina can tell - in how her eyebrows knit together and how her voice rises in the back of her throat and how her hands clutch a little harder at Dina’s shoulders. Dina helps her now - reaching down between them to brush against Ellie’s clit, so that all Ellie has to do is keep the same pace; kissing the side of her mouth and her cheek and her neck, encouraging her along; and smiling against her mouth when she shudders and comes, when she grasps all the harder at Dina’s body, and her hips jerk, and a soft cry leaves her mouth.

Dina coaxes her through it, holding her through each aftershock, giving her the softest place to land. She rocks them both back and forth as Ellie gasps against her shoulder, hips still twitching; she runs her hands up and down Ellie’s back, sweet and soft and warm; she tips Ellie’s face towards her and breaths in her exhales and smiles up at her -

“I love you,” Ellie sighs, eyes fluttering closed, and Dina just kisses her once more.

Ellie smiles then, weary and sweet and wrung out. Dina kisses her nose, her lips, her forehead, watches how her face scrunches with her smile - and then they tumble back onto their blankets together. 

* * *

The sun is starting to go down when Dina folds her legs under her and leans back against her pack. She fiddles with her lighter, watching it reflect the dying light in a sharp glare. Open, closed, open, closed…

“Hey.”

Ellie’s hand is warm on her upper back, and Dina leans into her touch, smiling. “Any luck?”

“You bet.” Ellie brandishes a small tin as she sits down. Dina watches her dig through her pockets, removing a rolling paper or two. “I’m gonna roll the prettiest joint you’ve ever seen, m’lady.”

Dina smirks at this, one hand going to adjust the collar of Ellie’s sweatshirt. “I’ll hold you to that, babe.”

While Ellie works, Dina studies the sheer rock faces that rise up around them, dwarfing their camp and the small clearing in which they sit. Sunlight still shines against the cliff sides, running the gradient of light orange down to deep reds.

“Ta-da.”

Ellie flourishes the completed joint between two fingers, and Dina smiles. Her smile bleeds into a chuckle as Ellie places it between her own lips before Dina can take it. She lights it anyways, and she’s placing the lighter back in her pocket when the question bubbles up out of her throat.

“When did you know?”

Ellie takes a hit, inhaling slowly, and the joint lights up the contours of her face in soft orange. She exhales.

“Know what?”

“That you loved me.”

Dina watches Ellie’s expression shift, from contemplative to something a little more somber. Dina nuzzles her. One side of her mouth curls up.

She speaks to the ground when she responds, voice low. “It’s stupid.”

Dina frowns. “Hey.” She tips Ellie’s face up so their eyes meet, shining in the low light. Dina whispers, but her voice is insistent. “No, it isn’t.”

Ellie’s expression softens, and she leans in to peck Dina’s lips. When she pulls away, she is contemplative again, but angling her body towards Dina now, and Dina feels she is at ease.

Ellie passes the joint and then runs her free hand through her loose hair, stroking Dina’s back with the other. 

“Well,” Ellie starts, voice low. “There was that time when we were sixteen, and it had rained a fuckton that spring, and we were rotating the herds -”

Dina freezes. “Oh. Oh no.” God damn her.

Ellie just continues, casual. “And one got loose because that happens _every_ time, and -”

“Ellie Williams, don’t you dare.”

“And _someone_ decided to run after this stupid loose horse in boots that hadn’t even been laced up -”

“I swear, Ellie -”

Ellie is giggling now, even as Dina shifts to straddle her and pin her down, one hand still holding the joint aloft. 

Ellie fixes her with narrowed eyes. “How long did it take for you to get mud out of your hair?”

Dina rolls her eyes, scoffing, and leans down so her forearms bracket Ellie. “Come on,” she murmurs. “Tell me for real.”

Ellie winds her arms around Dina to pull her close. She inhales, exhales. The humor melts away from her face, leaving something soft and quiet.

“One of those first group patrols we went on together,” she starts. “Tetons. Spring. It was one of those evening things. Like, that morning’s patrol had to cut out early, so we came back later with a clean-up crew.”

Dina hums softly, letting that memory wash over her - the sunset, bright and deep, reflecting so strongly off of the first safe house’s windows that she could hardly see into them - they were just squares of brightness. 

“Of course we found nothing,” Ellie continues, and Dina scoffs - “Of course.” Ellie’s hands run up and down Dina’s ribcage, drawing little circles on her hips with her thumbs. 

“So you said -” And Ellie inclines her head here, waiting for Dina to speak. Dina smiles in return. 

“‘Let’s stay for a bit and watch the sunset’, right?”

“Yeah,” Ellie replies. “And I thought you were fucking crazy, because I knew Maria was going to kill me if I got back after dark.”

Dina giggles. “Ooo, you’d be _grounded_.” Ellie scoffs and swats at her.

She continues. “So we stayed. And we just talked, about everything, I can’t remember. And you…” Ellie trails off. Her fingertips brush Dina’s cheek so, so lightly, and her eyes are soft. “You looked beautiful.” 

Dina suddenly feels bashful, and she dips her head to kiss Ellie’s palm.

“And then we fucking fell asleep,” Ellie continues, and Dina is laughing and stroking Ellie’s forearms with her hands. 

“We weren’t even _high_ ,” Dina says, giggling. “We were just fucking _tired_ , because we’d stayed up all night playing boardgames with Jesse, right?”

“Fuck, yeah.” Ellie grins. “And we had to ride back in the fucking dark.” She smiles up at Dina, nothing but open happiness on her face. Dina sighs, easing through that memory. Her voice is soft when she speaks.

“That was after Talia passed.”

Ellie sighs under Dina, wrapping her up in her arms and holds her close. Dina breathes against her neck. “I needed you. And Jesse. But you gave me space, you let me...let me talk about other things.” 

Ellie kisses her forehead, humming.

“Plus, it was pretty funny when you kept insisting that we didn’t need flashlights on the way back to Jackson, because horses can see better in the dark than people.”

Ellie chuckles in the back of her throat, low and sleepy. “Hey, I have been known to be wrong about things from time to time.”

They straighten up, and Ellie takes the joint now. She is still contemplative, careful. “What about you?”

Dina inhales deeply, reaching back into her memories, past pain and hardship and to those simpler, lighter moments. They are jarring in their contrast. She clears her throat.

“You and Tommy came back from some...it wasn’t technically patrol, I guess, but you were out there anyways -”

“Couple of trigger-happy idiots,” Ellie adds, smiling, and Dina chuckles at that.

“Exactly,” she continues. “And Joel was waiting near the gate for you two to come back, and you just _booked it_ up to him -” Ellie has buried her face in her hands now, and Dina can see that her face has turned red - “You were going on and on about some infected you two had to bring down, and how _fucking sick_ it was -” 

Dina giggles now and presses against Ellie’s shoulder, stamping a kiss there. Ellie removes her face from her hands, and she’s smiling wide, as tears - from laughter or emotion, Dina isn’t sure - course down her cheeks.

Dina purses her lips, reaching up to brush a lock of hair behind Ellie’s ear. “You know what I thought?”

“What?” Ellie’s voice is soft, her eyes shining. Dina scoots closer, so that the whole sides of their bodies are pressed together. She swallows.

“I thought, ‘That looks like a family.’ That looks like something I want to be part of.” Dina blinks rapidly and nuzzles Ellie’s shoulder, as if the memory will pull her away. Ellie leans into her touch, almost on instinct. 

She watches Ellie look down, bite her lip, and fold in on herself a little. When she speaks, her voice is a little smaller. 

“Did you get what you wanted?”

Dina studies her - the crease between her eyebrows, how her lips turn down just slightly, how the breeze pulls at her hair. She leans forward slowly, and draws Ellie towards her. They breathe each other in, and it’s more than a few moments before Dina can find her voice.

“All that and more.”

Then Dina pecks Ellie’s lips, plucks the joint from her fingers, and watches the sun go down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ellie pressing flowers in her journal is a reference to the Critical Role character Yasha Nydoorin (also portrayed by Ashley Johnson).
> 
> Chapter 2 should be up shortly. Cheers!
> 
> Find me on tumblr @watery-sun.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff, smut, and feelings. I continue to play with tense changes.

They are out for hardly more than a week, but they settle into an easy rhythm regardless.

Dina finds part of herself anxious for their return. She watches the horizon when they rest, and that old vigilance thrums in her from time to time. She waits, for _something_ to happen - for something else out in the world to come meet them, to tell them that it was all a lie, that they cannot rest now. 

Nothing ever does.

Sometimes Dina sees the fruiting bodies, settled against trees or debris or simply the earth, split open and blooming. They cycle back to the beginning, in their own way. And, perversely, perhaps the fungus has the right idea - of letting go and starting again, of returning to only the most fundamental pieces of yourself, and allowing all of your work and time to be nourishment for something new.

Everything had bloomed on their trip back from Seattle. They traveled through lush grasses, and wide fields of flowers, and forests with tall trees that burst from rich, damp soil. It felt like a mockery of all their struggle - that life would meander on with so little change, even after the world had crashed and burned around it. 

That it could simply exist, and not seek, seek, seek for something - to fill an emptiness, or to take away pain, or to give meaning. Dina studied the silhouette of the sky, framed by the highest treetops, and wondered at such an uncaring world.

No, she corrected herself, not uncaring - just being, just there. 

She woke one morning in Ellie’s arms and watched a small beetle march across her line of sight - over a twig, under a leaf. How alien Dina felt then, how unnatural, to climb out of the dark, wet pit that was Seattle and try to fit back into the unchanged rhythm of things.

But now, there is no rush, no rhythm that they cannot meet. Now, they just walk through fields at the base of a mountain; they admire a sliver of land that curls out into a lake, where a buck stands and grazes; they scatter crumbs and watch birds swoop down in front of them. The land around them feels welcoming and still.

This is how they find the cabin, ensconced in a grove of trees at the bottom of a rolling hill. It’s abandoned but sturdy, and Ellie gestures to her map and says that this must be the one that Wes was talking about.

He’d appraised them with raised eyebrows that night in the Tipsy Bison, leaning one elbow on the bar and tracing the rim of his glass. He’d be happy to lend them his hunting rifle of course, but -

“Why not stay in Jackson?”

Dina made noncommittal sounds about a change of pace, a change of scenery, and waited for Wes’s eyebrows to unknit, for his expression to soften. Everyone in Jackson had their baggage, and Dina knew there was no shame in doing what was best for her and her wife, even if it flew in the face of what others would expect. 

But still, she waited Wes out, until he shrugged and Ellie steered the conversation into the topic of springtime pasture rotations.

As she and Ellie walked back home, hand in hand, Dina tried to tamp down the nerves that crested in her again. The truth was that they hadn’t been out together for an extended period of time since returning from Seattle - and part of Dina roiled for a chance to go back, to do it over again. 

Not to paint over the past, she tells herself - but to coax new growth out of it, to till new flowers out of something old and rotting…

Now, Dina studies the small potted flower in the windowsill that looks out over the forest. The dirt is fresh, and she recognizes the flower as the same kind that grows next to Jackson’s stables at this time of year. She eases a sheet of paper out from under the ceramic pot and flips it over.

_Clear as of 7/13. Happy Anniversary!_

In the evening, a storm cell descends from the ridgeline and wraps itself around their cabin. Dina falls asleep to the sound of rain pattering against the bedroom window, and the rumbles of thunder rippling above them.

At some point something pulls her out of her slumber, and she gropes in the dark, alight with uncertainty - and then she sees that Ellie is sitting up, back bowed over, breathing hard.

“Nightmare,” she gasps when Dina touches her shoulder.

Dina takes her in her arms, rubbing her back in long, soothing motions. They’re both still naked from their slow lovemaking that evening, and Ellie’s skin feels clammy under Dina’s touch. She kisses Ellie’s forehead and feels her start to relax, feels her breathing start to slow.

“Wanna talk about it?” Dina whispers. She sits up slightly and brushes Ellie’s bangs back from her face. Her fingertips linger at Ellie’s cheek, then her jaw, and Ellie swallows.

“Couldn’t get through the door,” Ellie whispers, voice rough. She raises her eyes to meet Dina’s, and they are pained and far away. “And they...they…” Ellie’s voice tightens now, high in her throat. “They were everywhere, Dina, they took him away from me, they…” She covers her face with her shaking hands and Dina shushes her, pressing kisses to her forehead, murmuring to her -

“You’re safe, baby. You’re here.”

Ellie takes a deep, shaking breath and grips Dina’s shoulders. “They were...they were _broken_ , Dina, they were bleeding and crying and dying and - and…” And she breaks now, she cries, and Dina folds Ellie into the curve of her body and holds her. Ellie’s voice is muffled, but high and desperate as she sobs against Dina’s chest -

“Because of me, Dina, it was because of _me_ -”

“It’s alright, baby. You’re here, you’re here…”

Dina holds her and Ellie slowly quiets. Dina kisses her tears from her face and murmurs to her - that she’s safe, she’s loved, she’s home.

At some point, Ellie tips her jaw so their lips meet, softly. Her mouth gives under Dina’s so easily, and when Dina pulls away, she sees that Ellie’s pupils are blown, and her eyes are wide.

“Do you want to touch me?” Dina breathes, and she can read the answer in Ellie’s expression before she says _yes_.

The ease with which intimacy came to them still varied from time to time. Dina pictured it like a planet orbiting the sun, its elliptical path sometimes taking it close to that fiery heat, and sometimes sending it far off into cold darkness. She knew by now that it would always come back around, that sometimes she would just have to wait.

It was easier, now that a more complete picture was available to Dina - of how darkness and trauma and pain cut into her physical relationship with Ellie. It had taken months, _years_ , but they had groped for the edges of her tolerance and found a way forward. 

By its very nature, it was dynamic, ever-changing from day to day.

Dina didn’t care. This, in her mind, was just another facet of their marriage contract, though an unwritten one. All the closeness and pleasure and intensity had no grounding without the communication and transparency that came before it. 

Ellie still dodged from time to time - whether from shame, or embarrassment, or sheer frustration at herself - but they knew this dance by now. Dina could always coax it out of her, alongside sweet encouragement.

“This is what love is,” Dina would remind her - all this work, all this vulnerability, showing their most basic needs to each other.

And - in their most secretive moments, away from all the rest of the world - Ellie opened up to her fully and told Dina that sometimes she was afraid of her own body, afraid of what it had done and what it could do. She was afraid to put her hands on Dina, to use that strength again, even if it was just the tiniest fraction of what she was capable of. 

Dina listened, and kissed Ellie’s palm when she was finished. “They don’t get to take this away from us,” she replied, injecting firmness into her voice even as she whispered. “All those ghosts…” Dina brushed a lock of hair out of Ellie’s face and cupped her cheek, and their eyes met. “They don’t get to tell you how to love me.”

And Ellie had smiled and kissed her then, and Dina reveled in the trust and love that she felt.

She feels it now too, as she kisses Ellie and Ellie kisses her back, and nuzzles her as she pulls away. Her skin looks silver in the moonlight, and the shadows around her are blue-black, and Dina _loves_ her. That love thrums in her body like her heart, deep and true and alive and _always_.

Dina thinks now - as she has many times before - that sometimes, making love to Ellie feels like a sacred act. It feels like communing, reaching for the parts of her that are so easily hidden away, so easily drowned in the blood and brackish water that rises from her nightmares. The parts that have been beaten down, that cower and quake and wail, that don’t know how to exist anymore - Dina does her best to draw them back out, to help them find their footing. 

Those ghosts aren’t just ghosts for Ellie, Dina knows - they are mirrors, reflecting back what she’s done in cruel, bright detail.

Dina straddles her, and thinks that this is the least she can do - she can block Ellie’s view.

Dina rocks, slow and languid, grinding against Ellie’s pubic bone until it’s wet with her arousal. Ellie’s hands still shake minutely, and Dina guides them to her breasts, inhaling sharply when Ellie touches her.

Dina understands, by now, that sometimes Ellie can’t just lay back and accept pleasure. She needs to give it first, needs to use her body to make Dina feel good - and then she comes as hard as she ever has, because she’s seen that she’s good for Dina, she’s felt and tasted it to the utmost, she’s reached inside another person and brought them joy and love.

It’s finally enough for her to let go.

“I’ll take care of you, baby,” Dina gasps, guiding Ellie’s left hand to her mouth. She continues to rock, letting soft little cries leave her mouth, as she sucks on Ellie’s fingers. Ellie’s wedding band is cool and metallic in Dina’s mouth, and Dina kisses it softly as she pulls away. She lingers over the stubs - her tongue moves lightly between them and Ellie gasps, and then she gently takes them both in her mouth and Ellie cries out. 

Dina hums and rocks and Ellie whimpers under her, even as Dina removes her hand from her mouth. “Do you wanna feel what you do to me, baby?” Dina husks, and Ellie’s whimpered “Yes” makes her throat tighten. 

She presses Ellie’s hand over her heart first, thrumming like a bird in her ribcage - “You feel that?” - and Ellie makes a strangled sound in reply as Dina rocks a little faster. “You’re the only person who does that to me,” Dina whispers, letting her head tip back, letting her hair fall like a curtain behind her.

Dina brings Ellie’s hand down between her legs next. Her arousal is smeared all over Ellie’s low belly at this point, and she drags Ellie’s fingers through it and sucks them into her mouth again. Ellie groans underneath her. 

“Need to be inside you,” Ellie whimpers now, and Dina kisses her fingers and lifts her hips slightly. She guides Ellie’s hand back down between her legs, spreading herself and rocking against Ellie’s fingers.

“So good,” Dina gasps as she slides down, and Ellie gasps with her, free hand tightening on her hip.

“Yeah?” Ellie croons - she sits up now, wrapping her free arm around Dina’s waist.

Dina rocks now and tips her head back as a long, low cry leaves her mouth. She rides Ellie’s hand at an easy pace, cards her fingers through Ellie’s hair, arches her back. Ellie’s mouth is soft at her breasts, her neck, kissing and sucking and nibbling.

Dina knows how to take her time, how to draw things out, but she also knows to save that for later - Ellie needs something different right now, needs to watch Dina fall apart in her hands. And so Dina rocks more insistently, letting soft little cries leave her mouth on every downstroke. It isn’t long before she’s shuddering, whimpering, clinging to Ellie, who rubs her back and kisses her neck so softly.

“I’m so close, baby,” Dina gasps against the crown of Ellie’s head, rocking faster now, rubbing furiously at her own clit, and Ellie cries out underneath her. “You wanna feel me come for you?”

“Yes,” Ellie whimpers, insistent now. “Yes, yes, yes…”

“Love you inside me,” Dina gasps, almost delirious. “Love coming around you, baby, feels _so_ good, so deep, _fuck_ -”

“Dina,” Ellie gasps, clinging to her now. “Dina, Dina, Dina -”

“Oh fuck, fuck, _fuck_ -” And Dina is shaking now, twitching, rocking faster, and finally - “Ellie, Ellie, _Ellie_ -”

“Yes, baby, _yes_ -” And Ellie is crying out with her, as Dina seizes around her fingers and clamps down, shaking and quivering -

She comes down quickly, quaking and gasping, still clenching on Ellie’s fingers with each aftershock. It’s fast, but it still feels nourishing to Dina, to love Ellie like this.

They lean into each other, both breathing hard, and Dina sighs and sighs and nuzzles Ellie’s neck. She slips Ellie’s fingers out of her and sucks them into her mouth again, kisses her palm, her wrist, the beat of her pulse.

Ellie’s other hand is on her waist, where her thumb draws firm circles, and Dina takes Ellie’s face in her hands. 

Her eyes light up. Her voice is low and soft when she speaks - “I need you, Dina. Please.” And Dina bends to kiss her.

She leans down and Ellie is soft underneath her, warm and relaxed and giving. Dina eases from her what she wants -

“Your cock,” Ellie murmurs against Dina’s lips, and Dina kisses her again, slow and lingering and easy, and then slips off of the bed.

She returns a moment later, crawling up the bed towards Ellie, and eases down between her legs. Ellie is already rocking for her, arching and needy, and Dina holds her hips down and kisses her softly. 

“So wet for me,” she breathes, and Ellie gasps and whimpers and reaches for her. Dina takes her hands, drawing circles on the backs of her palms with her thumbs just as she draws circles with her tongue. 

When Dina crawls up to kiss her, Ellie is somehow both boneless and electric - her face is slack in pleasure, but her eyes are bright with want. Dina kisses her slow and easy, nudging her legs apart. “Still okay?” she whispers against Ellie’s mouth, smiling softly when Ellie nods.

“I’m gonna take such good care of you, baby,” Dina murmurs again, reaching down between them, and Ellie _whines_. She tips her head back when Dina slowly enters her, mouth falling open, and then looks down and bites her lip. 

“You’re so good for me,” Dina whispers against her forehead, and then she cants her hips slowly and she’s fully inside, and Ellie twitches and gasps and holds her close.

Dina rests on her elbows and they are skin-to-skin, almost flush together, breathing each other in. She kisses Ellie’s nose, her lips, her chin, and smiles when Ellie sighs against her mouth. “Dina…”

“I know,” Dina murmurs, and then she starts to move. She keeps her mouth over Ellie’s as she rocks her hips, as Ellie whimpers and strokes her back.

“Gonna make you feel so good,” Dina breathes, and Ellie inhales sharply, nails a little firmer in her back. She’s rocking her hips to meet Dina’s thrusts now, whimpering when Dina reaches down to circle her clit.

“Dina, Dina -” 

“That’s right, baby,” Dina croons, nuzzling her neck. “Just lay back, let me do everything…”

It isn’t long before Ellie is gasping and twitching, crying out softly under Dina’s encouragement and praise. 

“I love being inside you, baby,” Dina gasps. “I love making you feel good -”

And Ellie’s hips are twitching and she’s crying out now. She claws at Dina’s back, while Dina just eases into a quicker pace and kisses her neck -

“Look at how good you are for me,” Dina murmurs. “Already so close.”

And Ellie gasps - “Don’t stop, Dina, I need it, I need it -”

“Good girl,” Dina breathes. “Let me take you there, baby. You’re such a good girl -”

Ellie’s orgasm is a gasping, fluttering thing. Cries issue from her mouth in almost-surprise and she clutches Dina’s back, hips jerking, as Dina croons into her hair - “Let go, baby, let go for me…”

Ellie cries out against her neck and Dina holds her, fills her, stills her shaking hands as she comes down. Ellie’s hips twitch through her aftershocks, as Dina continues to rock slowly.

They stay pressed against each other, with Ellie breathing hard against Dina’s shoulder. Dina unwinds Ellie’s arms from around her and eases her down against the mattress, watching her fully relax.

Dina sometimes wonders what Ellie’s first thought is when she opens her eyes, when she comes back to the present. She prays that it isn’t those ghosts, drifting in and out of the walls of her mind. 

Dina kisses her throat, and traces Ellie’s profile, from her forehead down to her nose; and when her eyes open again, Ellie cups the back of Dina’s head and kisses her, slow and gentle.

“Hi,” Dina breathes as she pulls away. There’s a soft smile on Ellie’s face.

“Hey.”

Ellie tucks a lock of hair behind Dina’s ear, and Dina knows that Ellie is really studying her: not just looking but _seeing_ \- seeing the paths of her life and Dina’s, the many points at which they intersected, and the many more points at which they could have diverged completely. 

Dina has half a mind to head this off immediately, until Ellie wraps her up in her arms, so that they’re fully pressed together, in the way that they fit - that they’ve always fit.

“Thank you,” Ellie breathes against her forehead, and Dina nuzzles her, and that is enough.

* * *

Dawn breaks slowly. Dina wakes up with Ellie curled around her. It’s one of the rare moments when Dina’s awake first, and Ellie is solid, heavy warmth behind her. Everything is warm and steady and easy, broken by just flickers of movement - a twitch of Ellie’s fingers, birdsong from outside. 

Dina rolls over and nuzzles into the dark curve of Ellie’s body. Ellie’s lips on her forehead are the only sign that she’s awake now. She presses a lingering kiss there, exhales against the crown of Dina’s head, wraps her closer - all in old, familiar motions.

The sun is rising at Ellie’s back, and Dina rests one arm over her side, fingers warming in the new light. She wonders, absurdly, if she can get away with nestling against Ellie’s body for the rest of the day - if she can escape the sun’s glaring light that demands she leave their bed.

The thought consumes her, and she drifts off again - although she only realizes this when she comes back to consciousness, with Ellie brushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

Like she’s pulled on a string, Dina shifts closer, sighing happily. It occurs to her to finally move other parts of her body - she flexes her feet, points her toes. Ellie inclines her head until a series of _pops_ sound from her neck; Dina giggles and nuzzles against her throat as she settles again, all the tension going out of her body.

Then Ellie’s lips are in her hair again, soft and wandering. Dina hums, brings her arms up overhead, and stretches out against the mattress. Ellie’s arms round her torso, and as her body contracts and relaxes, Dina angles her head so their lips meet.

Ellie kisses Dina slow and tender, tracing her jaw with one finger - and then she’s pushing Dina back into the mattress, hovering over her just so, inclining her head so their kiss becomes that much more full and soft. 

Ellie lowers herself so that she’s no longer hovering over Dina so much as covering her with her body, sliding down to rest her chin on Dina’s sternum. Dina plays with her hair, watching it fall from her fingers and catch the sunlight. 

“You’ve got some grays coming in,” Dina murmurs, cupping the back of Ellie’s neck and inching forward to kiss the crown of her head. Ellie grumbles against her skin, and then props herself up on her elbows, taking some strands between her thumb and forefinger. She hums.

“Never thought I’d live to see myself go gray.” There’s a small smile on her face, but her eyes are far away, and Dina leans up again to nuzzle her neck. Ellie leans into her, sighing heavily. 

“I’m glad I get to,” Dina murmurs, tracing Ellie’s back with her fingertips, enjoying the play of muscles and ligaments under her touch.

The day is theirs, and they do whatever occurs to them, although there’s not much to be done. They talk and read and eat and make love and sleep, enjoying these trappings of civilization while being so far from it. 

Before they leave, Dina waters the flower on the windowsill and slips the note into her pocket.

* * *

When they had first found it, the campground had been a sliver of peace, a port in too-great a storm. It had only seemed natural to Dina that she would go back there and retrieve more supplies before Ellie’s birthday that year. She treasured it, that space that would now link them together, that would act as the thinnest line of permanence between them.

“This is _sick_.”

Ellie’s eyes went round at the sight of the paper crown, and Dina did her best to commit her smile to memory, to stitch another happy moment onto her image of the campground. It was _theirs_.

Later, they sat on the edge of Ellie’s bed, her music blaring through the headphone in one of Dina’s ears. Ellie swayed to its tempo and hummed, mouth forming the shapes of words as the song moved through its chorus again.

It wasn’t to Dina’s taste, not really - but there was still something she enjoyed about watching Ellie sink so deeply into its rhythms. It felt almost intimate, like Ellie was showing Dina part of herself - the part that relaxed, that found joy, that let down walls of expectations for once - that few got to see.

How close they had been that day, how far. How long they still had to go.

Dina brushes her hand over the long strands of grass and inhales the woody, pine scent that hangs in the air.

The campground is hardly indistinguishable from its appearance so many years ago, emanating that strange permanence that all old world things seem to have - it is old and crumbling now, and somehow it will stay old and crumbling for another millenia. Dina lets her pack slip from her shoulders and fall to the base of a tree, where the ground is littered in pine needles.

Ellie plucks Dina’s hunting rifle from her hands before she can set it down, and sits down on a crumbling stump. She starts to disassemble it easily.

She is so singularly focused that for a moment, Dina forgets why they are here, because Seattle looms in front of them again, inevitable and silent and waiting.

Dina shakes herself. She bends down and presses a line of soft kisses along Ellie’s neck, feeling Ellie lean into her. Dina is momentarily overcome by the urge to touch her, to remind her that they’re both here, that the gun is just a tool for their safety; and all that violent knowledge that drifts around in Ellie has no more satisfaction now, no fertile ground for it to take root.

Dina presses a kiss behind Ellie’s ear and catches herself wanting to wonder if she will always have to do this exercise, if it is a _feature_ of them now. Even the _wanting_ is something that prickles in her unpleasantly. 

She reminds herself that trust is a long, slow road, and that they may have to go over certain areas again and again and again - not because of current failings but because of the challenge of past mistakes, the clarity in which things are shown in their light. Dina twists her wedding band around her ring finger, and feels comfort in its weight on her hand.

Ellie delicately leans the hunting rifle against the nearby tree trunk, and when she looks up at Dina again, her expression is all open ease. Dina has to stop herself from exhaling in pure relief.

There are no words exchanged, but Ellie comes to her anyways. She winds her arms around Dina’s waist and tucks her head into the crook of Dina’s neck. Dina rests the flat of her palms against Ellie’s shoulder blades and holds her.

“I’m here,” Ellie sighs against her skin, and Dina believes her.

The campground does not have a stunning view, or a fortified cabin, or a lake - but they spend the day there all the same. This is why they are here, Dina thinks - not just to make new memories but to reach back to the very beginning, to come back around to the start of things - to honor all the thin ties that drew them together in the first place.

“No paper crown this year?” Dina leans back on her hands, letting her legs hang off the edge of the moldering table, and smiles as Ellie stands between them. 

“You already got one for your birthday,” Dina chides, leaning forward to trace Ellie’s jaw with a fingertip. She taps the side of Ellie’s calf with her shoe.

Ellie looks down, bashful, and then leans in, resting her hands on either side of Dina’s thighs. “You’re lucky I like you,” she breathes against Dina’s mouth. When Dina smiles, she feels Ellie smile in return.

“You mean _you’re_ lucky that I like _you_.”

“That too,” Ellie murmurs, and then they’re kissing, slow and inconsequential. 

The sun goes down on their last day, and the campground is ensconced in a soft, gold light. Dina is finishing the last of her sandwich when Ellie goes still beside her.

“Do you think we’d still have met?” 

At Dina’s questioning look, she clarifies further, with a vague motion of her hand. “If all this had never happened. The infection.”

Dina falls silent, leaning more firmly into Ellie’s arm. “Have I told you what _beshert_ means?”

When Ellie shakes her head, Dina glances down. “It’s like...like ‘the other half of my soul’.”

“So like destiny.”

Dina raises her eyes to Ellie’s, to the soft flicker of teasing that sits behind them.

“Can you blame me?” Dina adds, mouth curling into a smile. Ellie just exhales against her neck and wraps her closer. When she speaks, her words are soft on Dina’s skin.

“I like to think we’d find our way back to each other. No matter what.”

Dina threads her fingers through Ellie’s and tips her head back to look at the sky. She closes her eyes, and imagines that from space, their love is as bright as a newborn star. It’s as Ellie has described it: a collapse, massive and shattering, that begets something burning and brilliant. 

It is something that finds itself in a dark, empty vacuum, where nothing is meant to survive - and still, it lives on anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr @watery-sun. Cheers!


End file.
